Humanity in shame!

So I wake up in the morning and the first thing I hear is about the Peshawar attack. It is such a sham to live in a word having people so cruel. I do not understand what kind of religion or a place demands such a cruel and hideous act. After reading the who news, I gathered that it was quoted that this attack was in response for attacks made against Taliban by the Pakistan government and it was brought it action to induce the pain among the government and the civilians. I am just flabbergasted by the ways, the actions and the words of those ruthless humans who do not to the least deserve to be humans.

I am deeply saddened and can only pray for those kids who suffered the pain to rest in peace. Where is the humanity among the humans?

Early morning realization!

Dreams! They have a serious effect on you at some point of life. I have always dreamt of getting stuck in Tsunami and then waking up drenched in sweat. But today it was different. It was horrific. I did not dream Tsunami or anything apocalyptic. Instead I dreamt of going back to school, again. Taking up the same lessons under the same teachers. You must be wondering what is wrong or dreadly in going back to school. I meant I have spent 14 years of my life doing the same thing. Even it were deadly, by now I should have been completely fine. I wish I could tell you how my school life was. I wish I could throw light on how I somehow survived. I only wish!

So, in my 18 years of life I have come to realise that I am a complete misfit. Throughout my schooling and where ever I had been somehow ended up being the odd one out. No, it does not give a very amazing feeling. Despite my choice, irrespective of what I do, I still end up being a black sheep. I have spent my school life wandering alone, reading, writing. Sure I have had my share of fun and happiness but I go blank when I look back at my school and think about that one friend with who I could hang out. I think people outside have understood me better than my own classmates with whom I have shared the classroom over 10 years. Now this is something to feel sad about. Every time I cross my school, I put a quick glance at it. Now what I see is the stage, the building, the playground and a miniature model of me. I have come to realise how quick time has flown by. I still remember stepping into the school, 12 years back, wearing a blue uniform with my hair carefully plaited in two. Now here I am,,  with my hair cut short, wearing denim and a tee and with no trace of innocence.

Coming back to my dream, the whole synopsis is that my Hindi teacher scolds me in front of my entire class for not having studied for my exam. I do not know how to take it. She is one of my favorite teachers back from my school and it is a little hurting to even having dreamt of letting her down. After a very long brain storming analysis of my lethargic schedule I realise I actually am taking my upcoming examinations lightly. So instead of wailing over my wretched life, I better get back to my books. That way at least I would do some justice to people around me, who somehow still have high hopes. Hence, this is how I made up my mind to study

!

Lousy Sundays!

I hate Sundays. I always have hated. No particular reason though. Sunday mornings are extraordinarily slow and after noon, time flies sitting by a bullet train. Sundays are lousy and erratic. While in school all I remember doing on Sundays is go to class and study. Then come back home and sleep. That is how my ended. There was no suspense, no thrill. Not that I went on a adventure each day!

Sundays still are bad, Because I don't keep an account of time on Sundays. I wake up with my groggy eyes half opened, rush to the washroom and loiter around my house until noon. Then I rush to class after which I came back home tired enough to land on my bed. This is a life I never would want to life. I don't want a particularly exciting life but this somehow makes me sick.

Considering the person I am, I want to travel across the world. See new places, meet new people and taste new food, breathe new air. That is the person I am. I need to be left free. I think everyone has to be left free. Constraining someone from doing something is a sin and somehow that is what Sundays do

to me!

Love-sicken!

I miss him. I miss him more than I have missed anyone in my life. More than I could put it in words. More than I breathe every minute. Damn, I miss him. When I first met him I did not know things would lead here eventually. Sure there was a strong attraction from my side but that was okay, As days passed by attraction grew into admiration and admiration to love. I have had crushes and have fallen in and out of love constantly. But I think he is the first man who I deeply respect, profoundly admire and enormously love, knowing the fact that this is headed no where. But love is an emotion and it does not have to have a fairy tale ending always. We misinterpret the whole concept of love based on films. Love, like I already said is an emotion and it needs to be felt and lived. I am feeling it every second of my life and living every part of it. There is a part of me that wants to stay with him, get married and settle down but that is not right. Love can never be wrong but if my love wrecks someone else's life, what value would there be in my love?

I am very clear about few things after he has gone. Firstly, I love him. Secondly, we can never be together and should never be together. Thirdly, this feeling is irrevocable. Fourthly,there is a pain haunting me every second. So,I have no clue on what to do. I wish life was lot more simpler. Actually no. I wish life was a little less tragic.


So he is gone leaving a bundle of emotions behind. I wonder if he must be feeling the same? I wonder how be vents out his emotions. I think about him in the day and dream about him at night. Somehow, my life has circled around him. The best part of this whole screwed up emotions is, yes I am feeling bad but I am not crying nor am I depressed. My best friend says that I work in two ways. I either become very depressive or very philosophical. All I know is, as of now I am being love-sicken and I am liking it in all the ways!